The night Reece was born she slept in my arms in the hospital. My C-section was at 7pm and I didn't get to my room until 10...I just couldn't imagine laying this exquisite creature in a bassinet. Not even for 5 minutes. Time went by and eventually Mark fell asleep. I didn't. One o'clock, 3 o'clock, 5 o'clock. At 5 I realized someone may be up at my parents in Lincoln, Nebraska. I called. No one answered, and I left a very mean spirited message that my mother saved for 4 years that I would listen to now and then. Something about "my baby being so beautiful that I Ineeded to tell someone how beautiful she was and there was no one to talk to in Portland, Oregon at 5 o'clock a.m. and someone should PICK UP THE PHONE!!!". She slept in my arms every night in the hospital.
We got home. She slept in my arms the first night we were home. Come on...it was only her first night. (But you see, it was only my first night.) "What if I put her down, and when I go to get her the next time, something terrible has happened? What if I lose my baby girl, and I never see again?" She stayed in my arms. 16 weeks pass.
Time to head back to work from maternity leave. Yes, I would have slept better if she was in her crib, but I am going to be away from her ALL DAY. I need to sleep with her. I WANT to be able to nurse her ALL NIGHT LONG. I deserve to be next to my baby all night if I have to say good-bye to her tomorrow and only get to see her once during the day when I go and nurse her, and then leave her again to go back to work, crying.
I worked until she was 3. Sometimes full time, sometimes part-time. I missed her during the day. I needed her. It has always been more about me and Mark wanting her to be close to us, than her needing to be close to Mark and I. Mark was over night every 4th night, or more and away from us for days at a time. He wanted to be close to her. They say that marriage must have it's own time and space. What about when you get pregnant 3 months after you are married? We had a full 3 months of time and space. Reece, Ella and Maggie are part of us...they have been since the beginning.We wouldn't have had it any other way.
Reece is 5 1/2. Sometime she is in her own bed until 1 a.m. Sometimes she is in her bed until 5 a.m. Lately she has been in her bed unilt 11:30 p.m. We "lay the law down" every 6 months or so, then she gets on a good cycle for a couple months, some routine changes and she is back with us. To be honest, we are usually just to tired to get out of bed to take her upstairs. Lazy? Yes.
Last night we had a long talk about how she needs to REALLY try and stay in her bed. Think of something happy, pray to her gaurdian angel, Whatever. Well she did it. Six a.m. came and she ran into our bed and we slathered her with praise. She was covering her face and I asked, "what are you doing?" , "I am crying because I am happy", she replied. Too cute.
Now that I am at home with the girls and no longer in the "working world" outside of the home , I no longer feel this need to sleep with my kids every night. But I understand those who do choose to do this, if only for a few months. I thought co-sleeping was for granola eating, tree hugging, bra-burning moms ( I like granola, I have never given money to save the rainforests, and I cannot live with out a bra). I never imagined how much I would love it with my firstborn, and how hard it would be to give up. Not only for her, but for myself as well.
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